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And He Himself gave some to be....evangelists, and some pastors and teachers, for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ...
- Ephesians 4:11-12

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Location: The Hill Country of Texas

Pastor - Providence Reformed Baptist Church
Director - TIME in the Word Ministries

Saturday, February 10, 2007

Phillip's Phunnies - Elephant Jokes

A merry heart does good, like medicine... - Proverbs 17:22

What are "elephant jokes"? Elephant jokes are jokes, riddles, or absurd stories that involve elephants. They started in Texas in the 1960s and I started telling them in the 1980s while in junior high school. They are a favorite of mine and have proven to be great fun, especially around people who are too serious.

So this week our Phunnies are Elephant Jokes:

What game do elephants like to play?
Squash.

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?
To hide in cherry trees.

Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?
No - works pretty good, huh?

Why do elephants hide in cherry trees?
So they can jump out on unsuspecting people.

Why do they do that?
That is how they play squash.

How can you tell when an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
Look for elephant tracks in the peanut butter.

How do you know if there is an elephant in the bathtub with you?
You smell the peanut butter on his breath.

Why do elephants paint the soles of their feet yellow?
So they can hide when they are floating upside down in the custard.

What does an elephant smell like before he takes a shower?
Custard.

What does an elephant smell like after he takes a shower?
A wet elephant.

Why are elephants wrinkled?
They stay too long in the bath tub.
But then again, can you imagine trying to iron an elephant?

Why do elephants lie upside down with their feet up in the air?
To trip low flying birds.

What time is it when an elephants rides in your car?
Time to get a new car.

What time is it when ten elephants are chasing you?
Ten after one.

Why are elephants large, grey and wrinkled?
Because if they were small, white and smooth they'd be aspirins.

Why do elephants wear sandals?
So that they don't sink in the sand.

Why do ostriches stick their head in the ground?
To look for the elephants who forgot to wear their sandals.

How do you make an elephant float?
With two scoops of ice-cream, a bottle of cream soda, and an elephant.

What did the cat say to the elephant?
Meow.

What's the difference between an elephant and a flea?
An elephant can have fleas, but a flea can't have elephants.

What's the difference between an elephant and an egg?
If you don't know, I hope you don't do the grocery shopping!

How do you scold an elephant?
Tusk! Tusk!

Where is the elephants favourite place to vacation?
Tuscany.

Which side of an elephant has the most skin?
The outside.

What do you call an elephant who is only three feet high?
Truncated!

Why did the Elephant stand on the marshmellow?
So she wouldn't fall in the hot chocolate.

How do you stop an elephant from going through the eye of a needle?
Tie a knot in his tail.

What do you call any elephant who is an expert on skin disorders?
A pachydermatoligist.


It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer (Football to my international readers). The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants two goals to nil, when the Ants gained posession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him. The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."

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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh Phil , The elephant jokes were a stretch ! You are a phunny guy ! Maybe you should consider selling electrical supplies for a living !

9:26 AM  

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