Phillip's Phunnies - Cheaper in Canada

A merry heart does good, like medicine... - Proverbs 17:22


At the current rate of exchange, $1.00 in US currency will purchase $1.16 worth of Canadian goods. That means that things are indeed cheaper in Canada. That means logically then that laughs are cheaper in Canada.

As proof, hoping not to offend any Canadian readers, I would like to offer a few cheap Canadian laughs in today's edition of the Phunnies.

Our first cheap Canadian laugh comes at the expense of Canadian uber-blogger Tim Challies. I recently discovered that there are things about America that Tim really hates. After digging a little further, I have discovered that Tim's real problem may be that he was separated at birth as a twin, and having been raised apart from his brother, perhaps there is some unconscious sense of loss or aloneness that has motivated his skewed view of the USA. His twin, Barry Pepper, after all is a Canadian who has made it big in the US, specifically in movies, portraying soldiers, tough guys, snipers, or battle hardened reporters.

UPDATE:
It has been brought to my attention that Tim and Barry are not that similar looking. Maybe it is more a case of their clothes being separated at birth. But I think I may have found an even better candidate for the honor of being asssociated with the great and honorable Tim Challies. It is Tony Jones, the U.S. national coordinator of Emergent, a "growing, generative friendship among missional Christian leaders."

And now, for more cheap Canadian laughs:


You Might Be a Canadian if:

You only know three spices - salt, pepper and ketchup.

You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

You have more miles on your snowblower than your car.

You have 10 favourite recipes for moose meat.

You find -40C a little chilly.

You know 4 seasons - Winter, Still Winter, almost Winter and Construction.

You eat chocolate bars instead of candy bars.

You can eat more than one maple sugar candy without feeling nauseous.

You have Canadian Tire money in your kitchen drawers.

The local paper covers national and international headlines on 1/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.

You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing 'u's from labor, honor, and color.

You don't know or care about the fuss with Cuba, it's just a cheap place to travel with good cigars and no Americans.


Cheap Canadian Elephant Jokes:

Every nation in attendance at an international symposium on elephants had to deliver a report on the animals.

France's report: "The Appetite of an Elephant."

America saw the economic values in: "Raising Elephants for Fun and Profit."

Great Britain had their own unique view: "The Elephant and the British Empire."

The Canadian report was, of course, typically Canadian... "The Elephant: A Federal or Provincial Responsibility?"


Cold, Colder, Coldest

Temperature Conversion Guide for Canadians

50 degrees
Vancouverites try to turn on the heat
Manitobans plant gardens

40 degrees
Victorians shiver uncontrollably
Winnipeggers sunbathe

35 degrees
Italian cars won't start
Winnipeggers drive with the windows down

32 degrees
Distilled water freezes
Winnipeg's water gets thicker

20 degrees
Torontonians wear coats, gloves & wool hats
Manitobans throw on a t-shirt

15 degrees
Quebecers begin to evacuate the province
Manitobans go swimming

Zero degrees
Toronto landlords finally turn up the heat
Manitobans have the last cookout before it gets cold

-10 degrees
People in Vancouver cease to exist
Manitobans lick flagpoles

-20 degrees
Calgarians fly away to Mexico
Manitobans throw on a light jacket

-40 degrees
Hamilton disintegrates
Manitobans rent some videos

-60 degrees
Mt. St. Helene's freezes
Winnipeg Girl Scouts begin selling cookies door to door

-80 degrees
Polar bears begin to evacuate Antarctica
Manitoban Boy Scouts postpone "winter survival" classes until it gets cold enough

-100 degrees
Santa Claus abandons the North Pole
Winnipeggers pull down their ear flaps

-173 degrees
Ethyl alcohol freezes
Manitobans get frustrated when they can't thaw the keg

-297 degrees
Microbial life survives on dairy products
Manitoban cows complain of farmers with cold hands

-460 degrees
All atomic motion stops
Manitobans start saying "cold 'nuff for ya, eh?"


And Finally...

How do you stop bacon from curling in the frying pan?
Take away their brooms!